When you lose a dog, how long should you wait to get another?
If you’ve been there, you know.
You know losing a dog is like losing your friend, your family and your right arm … all in one.
More than one person has told me that losing their dog was more traumatic than when they lost a close relative. If you’ve had a dog, this isn’t the least bit surprising.
But there’s a contradiction that always comes up after your dog dies: How long until you get another? The contradiction is that your dog was irreplaceable – yet you can’t stand being in a house without one.
I know people who’ve waited 2 days and people who still aren’t ready after 2 years. I have my own rule of thumb for this, but I’ll get to that after I tell you a quick story:
A long time ago in a shelter far, far away, an older man came in with his much older mother.
“Here he is, Ma,” the guy said, walking in front of a cage. “Look at him!”
He was standing in front of a Sheltie I’d just walked, a sweet dog named Henry.
“Doesn’t he look just like Jimmy?” the guy asked his mother.
His mother smiled at the dog, smiled at me, and walked past the row of cages. She stopped when she came to a Lab mix, a small, lively girl named Trixie.
“Oooh, this one’s a cutie!” said the woman. “Aren’t you a sweetheart?”
Trixie stood on her hind legs and twirled. Her entire body said: Yes, I am indeed a sweetheart!
“They’re both great dogs,” I said, testing the waters. I had a clue where this was going.
“Not that one, Ma!” the guy said. “The one in here looks exactly like Jimmy.”
I glanced at the mother, and she gave me an understanding look in return.
“You recently lost a dog?” I quietly asked the man.
He looked up from Henry’s cage, his face twisting. “Yeah. Jimmy was the best dog in the world. He died two weeks ago … but this dog looks just like him.”
“You’re trying to replace Jimmy with this dog,” said his mother, “and you can’t do that.”
“I know he’s not Jimmy!” the man snapped. “I just said he looked like him.”
“Why not look at Trixie?” the mother asked. “I think she’s really cute.” She made some gurgling noises at Trixie who gurgled back.
“I don’t want Trixie!” said the man, growing agitated. “I want the dog who looks like Jimmy!”
I looked at Henry and my heart ached for him. Was it possible this man could love Henry for the amazing dog he was?
“Tell me about Jimmy,” I said to the man.
He opened up then, and told me all about Jimmy … how he’d always be waiting at the door when the man came home, how he curled up in the same corner of the couch every night when the TV was on, how he hated going outside in the rain and refused to walk on wet grass. The stories spilled out on top of each other.
“You know, I couldn’t get a new dog until more than six months after my last dog died,” I said, as if the thought just occurred to me. “I had to make sure I could love the new dog for who she was.”
I left the shelter early that day. For once, I had mixed feelings about a dog finding his forever home. For once, I didn’t want to see a dog get a shiny new collar and hear the click of the leash clipping onto it. Because the truth was, I didn’t want to see Henry trot off to his new home with this guy.
Losing a dog is a gut-wrenchingly painful experience. And I wonder if it’s made even more difficult because we somehow feel we shouldn’t be grieving this much over a dog. Are you allowed to miss work when you’ve lost a dog? Are family and friends understanding when you haven’t “snapped out of it” after a few days or weeks?
I think like any loss, we need to grieve when we lose a dog. And there’s no timeline for that. Only you will know when you’ve come out on the other side.
So in answer to the question, “When you lose a dog, how long should you wait until you get another?” here’s what I think:
Get a new dog when you can love him for who he is. Just pure, unconditional love for the newest member of your family. And never forget it’s necessary to mourn your old dog before opening up your heart to your new best friend.
How difficult was it for you to handle the loss of your dog? Let us know by commenting below.
This blog post is dedicated to a good friend of ours who works with shelter dogs every day, and who recently lost one of her own dogs. Greg was way too young when he lost his fight against lymphoma – he would have been five this summer. Our friend rescued Greg a couple of years ago, and we know the pain she is going through. To keep Greg’s memory alive, we’ve created Greg’s Fund to help homeless dogs who require expensive veterinary care. If you’d like to donate to Greg’s Fund, please click here.
10 May 2015
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